Caveman

It is good to go back and watch old movies whenever you can. These classic films can give you a look at timeless stories, profound concepts, and amazing creativity. However, Carl Gottileb’s 1981 film “Caveman” offers none of these things. If there was ever a movie deserving of a Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode, it has got to be “Caveman”.

The movie centers around a clever caveman named “Atouk” (played by Ringo Starr) who struggles for dominance in his tribe, and the love of a beautiful cavewoman. He and his best friend “Lar” (played by Dennis Quaid) make new friends and have various wacky adventures, some of which include: Running from dinosaurs, inventing music, figuring out how to walk upright, inventing fire, escaping a yeti, making the first fried egg, and literally attempting the first date-rape (that literally happens).

This would be near Monty-Python level comedy gold, if it weren’t for one simple fact: It takes its-self seriously. It may come off as a comedy, and even have a lot “funny” moments but while watching it I couldn’t help but realize “holy crap, someone actually wrote this movie”.

Throughout the whole movie I shifted in my seat and openly groaned as everything I knew about Anthropology and Evolution was violated right in front of my eyes . The scientific inaccuracies are truly astounding. Besides the fact that they were living with dinosaurs like some sort of live action Flintstones joke, and that they change their posture with a quick crack of the back, and even beside the fact that there were all ethnicities of cavemen living together in this movie… the thing that really astounded me was that one of them spoke English. It’s these little things that really get me.

This movie is literally so bad that it’s kind of good. I know it’s a weird thing to think about, especially because I just got done ripping the movie apart, but it’s true. This movie is so bad that it is almost a work of art. This movie loses so many stars that it actually circles back around and gains a couple. I would personally give this movie two stars out of five, one is a star out of pity and the other is a star due to the sheer impressiveness of how bad this movie was.

I looked on Amazon.com and noticed that the price of this movie is literally just a handful of spit. I still wouldn’t buy it. You might be wondering if watching this movie has changed me in any way, and it has. I live each day with more purpose. I’ve seen the worst of life and now I am prepared the make the most of mine. Also, if I ever meet Dennis Quiad, I am going to tell him that I was a fan of his work in this film, and I will laugh as he denies its existence.

My final word is: If you enjoy watching bad movies and laughing at them, then this is definitely the movie for you. If you do not enjoy bad movies, then just read the movie synopsis in a funny voice and you will come out as a winner.

3 comments on “Caveman
  1. I agree that the movie was terrible, but the fact that you didn’t get it was a comedy is a little appalling. It had Ringo Starr in it , for god’s sake. Also, incorrect use of the word “literally”.

  2. As bad as Caveman was, your review is worse. Complaining about “scientific inaccuracies” in a silly comedy is like pointing out historical inaccuracies in 2001 A Space Odyssey.

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