Sex is great, but worth the wait

I may have only been around for twenty years, but in that time, I have been surrounded by a large number of very wise people. People who believe in love, and believe that relationships can work. People who believe that love is worth fighting for.

Just by looking around, I can see that there is a high need for wisdom when it comes to relationships, especially romantic ones.

There are a few great skills that you can learn in order to make your relationship work better. As I am no psychologist or professional on these matters, these are simply my thoughts, backed up by other people’s thoughts. Nothing more.

I feel it is important for us all to think about these things, as they are tools that can be used in all relationships; not just the romantic ones.

First off, lets talk about sex. This culture has devalued sex to the point that it hardly has any meaning. Sex is used to make money. The act is treated so casually that its power and meaning have been ignored.

Sex has no place in the casual dating relationship. This might be hard for many people to take, but hear me out. Did sex ever make your relationship easier? If your relationship doesn’t have all the elements it needs to last, and then you throw sex into the mix, it will only make it worse.

Something happens that leaves us feeling empty, never having enough. If this is untrue, then why aren’t girls who sleep around the happiest people alive?

According to the book “Taking Sex Differences Seriously” by Steven E. Rhoads, “The more partners women have in the course of their lives, the more likely they are to be depressed, to cry almost every day, and to report relatively low satisfaction with their lives.”
Sex does not lead to a loving relationship, it is the result of a loving committed relationship. I highly recommend the book “Sexual Revolution” by Kris Vallotton for more on this deep and extremely important subject.

Ask any happily married couple and they will most likely tell you the greatest tool of a strong relationship is communication. Most people have heard this, but they never learn to implement it.

Actually talking to each other, not watching TV, not going on a date, not making out all the time, is what builds strong understanding of one another. Learning to communicate effectively is a skill that takes years to master. Any couple that has been married for over 10 years will tell you they are still learning how to communicate well with their spouse.

After open communication, the next best thing for a relationship is forgiveness. Often, good relationships go wrong fast because people tend to hold grudges and are slow to say “I’m sorry, I messed up.” Part of being in a relationship is being vulnerable, and it should show the other person that you care more about them than your ego.

One comment on “Sex is great, but worth the wait
  1. While I respect your opinion, there are several flaws to this argument.
    1) The sex trade is nothing new. I agree that in it’s modern form, it disvalues what can be a deeply spiritual and emotional act, however prostitution and even pornography have been around for a very, very long time.
    2) Sex in the early stages of a relationship can actually strengthen the bond between couples. Read some articles by Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist who has done extensive studies on the neuroscience of love.
    3) Why do you only comment on girls who sleep around? The average American male loses his virginity at 16, whereas the female average is at 17. According to a study done by the National Center for Health Statistics, the average number of sexual partners for American women is four, where the average number for American men is seven. Some other studies list numbers as high as 31 individuals for male partners.
    4) sex should not be labeled as a matter of Right or Wrong. Once you allow yourself to judge someone on their sexual history, it’s just that much easier to judge them on their orientation.
    Valentine.

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